April 3, 2010

it is the truth.

April 4th 2010. i'll remember this day like forever.
where do i have to start from? o My, im loosing my words even when i havent start it like now..
you know what? i hate sharing. thats why, i make it bold. the words. its just like, showing everyone the truth. and i hate talking about the truth. stupid. but its true. maybe im hiding from something. im a coward.

well, i need to tell everyone in this world about what i feel.. and it feels like i wanna scream and act like a very fussy girl just to tell them how much something is hurting me so bad, or just admiting that im a very jack-ass person.. i wonder how much they would love to hear about it or they will just have a weird starrin at me and leaving me alone..

sometimes, i do really feel like im a very very bad person. whats the deal about being such a nice, and calm girl? why should i? and why can't i? why? all i think is just 'i cant take it anymore' or 'i cant talk to you anymore.' or 'what are you thinkin about? where's your brain?'
hhfffhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. im tired. im sorry guys, i know. im not that good. if only everyone could just forgive me and understand how my life's going this 23 years old.. maybe they'll understand or crying here together with me, or they'll ignore it. but the truth is, zero. im dreaming.

and today, i found an important lesson again through my life. i thought God wont give me any sad part again here, and i wont cry to the hardest anymore. and the minute after, i end up laughing myself. its soooo ridiculous. the fact is, everyone's really going to fill their chapters with it. sleep with it, eat with it, laugh with it, cry with it, make love with it.. and i mean it. haha.. so, yea.. im facing those crap again.. those .. bffhh.. im sick of it. damn it.

and how can i be so clear, visible, and fakin annoying tonight ? i have no idea.
and whats the point of this? sure i need help to answer it.
and why you keep reading it til the very end line? i cast a spell on you.
should i be more happier and being a happy-go-lucky girl? i wish i could.
hhhm. bitter or better.. shit, its a choice AGAIN.

im mumbling. goodnite everyone.
have a .............. whatever kind of night you want.

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